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Thursday, September 21st, 2006
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so
shit.
i slept with a friend of mine. and i feel like i got played because i have thought he was kinda cute for a while and then he came out and said that he felt that way about me and then he said he couldn't have a relationship now. i put him off as far as sex goes for a while, and then my drunk ass had a party and the drunker i got the better the idea seemed.
and now we haven't talked in like a week and i feel like maybe he just said that to get in my pants.
and that feeling sucks.
and tonight it's all i can think about
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Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
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Two Names You Go By
1. Nicole
2. Nikki
Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. scottish
2. cherokee
Two things that scare you
1. roaches
2. professors
Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. pot
2. sleep
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. jeans
2. ecu sweatshirt
Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists
1. panic
2. hender
Two Physical Things On Yourself that Appeal people
1. eyes
2. mouth
Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. reading
2. smoking pot
Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. a new phone
2. a man
Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. be a teacher
2. get married
Two Things You Are Thinking About Now:
1. the man i want
2. the test i should be studying for
Two Stores You Shop At
1. big lots
2. pac sun
Two people you haven't talked to in a while
1. my dad
2. belinda
Two favorite web sites
1. facebook
2. myspace
Two Favorite Sports
1. football
2. the other kind of football
Two People who will probably fill this out
1.
2.
Two things you did yesterday
1. smoked pot
2. read
Two places you like to go to:
1. naples-kelli's parent's house
2. ireland
Two Favorite People(not family):
1. brittany
2. nicole
theres more
Two Favorite Subjects In School:
1. english
2. physics. goodloe was hot.
Two Favorite Places to eat:
1. mcallister's
2. grandmas house
Two People that live in your house:
1. brittany
2. nicole
Two things you like about yourself (physical):
1. my tattoos? does that count?
2. eyes
Two things you ate today:
1. a mcallister's turkey sandwich with honey mustard and cheese
2. a cookie
Two people you last talked to:
1. brittany
2. the lady at the register at the on campus eating place where i bought my drink
Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. spending the whole fucking day at school
2. smoking pot
Two things You wish would happen tommorow?
1. i could kiss someone i want to kiss
2. all my classes randomly get cancelled
Two things others like about you (non physically)
1. i try to be as honest as possible in my advice
2. fun
1. What is your favorite beer?
yuengling
2. Favorite mix drink?
MIDNIGHT MARGARITAS (p.s. we are selling margarita pops at the party this weekend).
3. Favorite shot?
TEQUILAAAAAA
4. Favorite person to go drinking with?
nicole and brittany and deanna
5. Favorite bar?
PB's or the element i guess. mostly PB's. or mostly the bar in my kitchen.
6. If you are trying to get really drunk, you drink?
lots and lots of beer.
7. Favorite day of the week for drinking?
saturdays, cus i inevitably can't get off of work on sundays and work is more fun drunk and half dead, right?
8. First drink you ever had?
a budweiser in a bottle
9. First drink you got drunk off of?
a budweiser in a bottle
10. First people you drank with?
my cousin and all the boys i grew up with
11. When was the last time you drank?
saturday night. i've cut down to pretty much just saturday nights.
12. Last time you got REALLY drunk?
saturday night/sunday morning.
13. Last time you got sick from drinking?
saturday night/sunday morning.
14. Last time you passed out?
saturday night/sunday morning.
15. What's your favorite holiday to drink?
halloween
16. Have you ever started drinking before noon?
yeeep
17. Favorite thing to eat when drunk?
cookout
18. Favorite drinking game?
i don't like them much anymore. i play the lets just get drunk game.
19. Favorite person to have drunk conversations with?
scottie p. if he passes out on the toliet seat in mid sentence
20. What music makes you drink the most?
the music i play while drinking.
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Saturday, September 2nd, 2006
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so i found kelli's jacket, two shirts and other misc. items mixed in with my stuff lately.
i suggest that anyone who lives in the greenville area and needs a job apply at mcallister's. we're hiring. and we have cute boys.
i'm losing weight
my hair is redder then ever now
i'm getting two more tattoos whenever i get the money
i want another piercing but work is gay and i don't know where i can get one that they won't object to.
i'm going to a party tonight.
i'm throwing a party on the 16th.
i may have a crush.
i may be sick and tired of this in and out of my life shit.
i'm broke as a joke.
i'm done.
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Thursday, August 17th, 2006
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i got a job at mcallister's. i go in to sign the paperwork tomorrow morning and i start next week. it pays 5.75 plus tips. i don't really understand how you make tips at mcallister's, but ok. and apparently they have "sections" too, but people sit wherever they want. so i'm lost. and you don't waitress there either really, so i don't get it, but whatever. so my manager said after 60 days, i get a raise to 6.00. it's a job, whatever. and it's the only one i can find unless somebody calls me between now and tomorrow morning to offer me something really great. i have a feeling i'll be working a lot too. they have good sweet tea there.
i start school next week, and i need to buy books, but i can't buy books until i get my loans. i might just use my dad's money and then replace it with the loan money. cus i need books.
the party this weekend is gonna be crazy. a double kegger, i think. with jello shots, possibly jager bombs, and maybe pj. we need to find a fucking tap though. $5 a cup. hopefully it'll be a lot of fun. corey and jessica and keegan and rose are coming in town for it.
i decided i'm gonna throw a keg for my birthday. i never throw myself parties. but i will this time. maybe.
i need to buy khakis and retainers for my piercings. i hope my paycheck from the last job gets here tomorrow. and i hope it is a decent amount of money.i lost the ball to my monroe. so i'm probably gonna have to buy new jewelry. if we get two kegs, i'm paying for one of them. and there's these candle holders at walmart that i want, if they are still there. i want a lot of things.
that blue october song is on the radio. i like this song a lot. it reminds me of bad times, but i like it anyways. the lyrics are in my profile.
i scared the shit out of myself today by watching a scary movie by myself in the apartment. i'm glad the cat was here.
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Tuesday, August 15th, 2006
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i want to go back to paris. she loved paris. i want to find all her spots that she told me about and visit them and appreciate them the way she did. maybe she'll be with me just for those few moments. i need her more now then ever. i wake up in the morning and think of a reason to get up. more often then not it's cus she wouldn't want me to lay in bed all day. yesterday, i didn't get out of bed. i didn't appreciate her like i should have. i can't go anywhere that doesn't remind me of her. i can't even type this without completely breaking down. it never gets better, only worse. i still don't believe it, and i don't think i ever can. i was looking around the apartment and my posters of paris and spain just make me wish i was there again, i could be that much closer to her. i want to go there, i want to pray in the sacre coeu again, it was the one place i felt like she was really with me.
i can't get past this. i just can't. my mom things i should "talk to someone" but who the fuck am i going to talk to? how do you forget three years of your life? three defining years? i look at pictures and it upsets me, not only because i miss her but because it's proof of her, i can't deny it, i can't pretend like it all never happened. i talk about her all the time. it doesn't hurt until later. i don't let it hurt until i'm alone. but then it physically hurts. my chest clenches and i can't do anything but cry. i don't know what the fuck to do.
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Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
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A - Available: yeah
A - Age: 19
A - Annoyance: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. people who can't grow the fuck up.
B - Best Friend(s): deanna, belinda, heather, mandy
B - Beer: yeungling
B - Birthday: november 6th
C - Crush: sadly i don't really have one
C - Car: chevy cavalier
C - Candy: sprees, the chewey ones
D - Day or night: day
D - Dream Car: one like peshy's or a truck
D - Dogs or Cats: dogs
E - Easiest person to talk to: belinda
E - Egg nog: no thanks
F - Favorite Month: august
F - Favorite color: green
G - Gummy Bears or Worms: gummy bears
G - Giver or Taker: depends on my frame of mind and who we're talking about
G - Gum: eclipse
H - Hair Color: different variations of red
H - Height: 5'6
H - Happy: yes, finally
I - Ice Cream: chocolate
I - Instrument: my favorite? bass. the one i play? nothing.
I - Idol: my mom
J - Jewelry: my earrings
J - Jail: nope never been there.
K - Kids: none.
K - Kickboxing or karate: kickboxing
L - Longest Car Ride: that long ass one to pa. does a 12 hour train ride count?
L - Longest Shower: half an hour?
M - Milk Flavor: regular
M - Most Missed Person: kelli, my dad
M - Movie Last Watched: read it and weep
N - Number of Siblings: technically 2.
N - Number of Tattoos: 4
N - Name: nicole
O - One Wish: to make someone happy and be a good influence on my students
O - One Phobia: heights
P - Pet Peeves: people who think they know everything
P - Person you trust: belinda, deanna
P - Pericings: ears, nose, monroe
Q - Quote: smile, it increases your face value
Q - Quick or Slow: i guess that would depend on what exactly we're talking about
R - Reason to smile: i'm moving out tomorrow
R - Reason to cry: i'm moving out tomorrow
S - Song Last Heard: baby you got what i need
S - Shoes: flip flops
T - Time you woke: 10
T - Time Now: 11:25
T - Time for bed: it depends on whether i go out tonight or not
U - Unpredictable: the song?
U - Underwear: black
V - Vegetable you hate: beets
V - Vegetable you love: celery
W - Worst Habits: drinking
W - Where are you going to travel next: the warehouse
W - Weather: sunny
X - X-Rays: at the dentist all the time, and whenever i break or sprain something
X - X-tra special someone: not at the moment
Y - Year you were born: 1986
Y - Year it is now: 2006
Z - Zoo animal: polar bears
Z - Zodiac: scorpio
so i did this while i was supposed to be working cus there's NOTHING to do at work until my mom gets here. but now i actually have something to do. laaaaaaaaaater
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sometimes im screaming on the inside and i want to scream out to somebody but i don't know who to scream to. i know i want to talk about everything but i also know people are tired of hearing it all the time. i'm not trying to get sympathy from people, i'm just trying to talk all the hurt out. but i don't think i ever will.
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speak is on tv.
lately i've been thinking about what happened a lot. especially with that fight me and her got in the other night. lately i've been getting upset about it again. lately everything upsets me. and lately things that i never told anyone have been pouring out in tears when i'm drunk. last night i called jon and we talked for like half hour while i cried and he made me laugh. i miss him so much. like everyday. we talk more now then before he moved to cali. i should be packing.
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| You Belong in Dublin | 
Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions.
You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town. |
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"And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God"
Everyday I miss her more and more and it hurts so bad. I can't stop getting upset when i'm alone in the car...it really sucks cus she was the one person i could talk to about stuff like this.
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"At some point you realize you're not going to die from a broken heart-though you'll surely contemplate the feasibility of it for a while. Believe me, you'll get there at your own pace-hopefully, sooner rather than later. For me it took years of on again/off again before I finally was able to really understand that he just wasn't that into me. It was years of big promises with no follow-through. Lots of pushing me away just to reel me back in the moment before I was out the door. In retrospect, I'm embarrassed by how little effort on his part it took for me to come back or stay. I was so desperate for him to love, to want me, to fight for me that I was literally grateful for any mere scrap of effort. I'd made so many excuses for his inability to treat me well that even the smallest gesture was amplified in my head. After years of this, I finally got my head out of my ass and realized that aside from feeling insecure and fragile about the state of my relationship all the time, we also wanted entirely different things out of life! (Even the brightest of girls aren't above pulling the wool over their own eyes in the name of hope.) Having a moment of clarity like that is worth your entire kingdom. The liberation of recognizing that you can stand up for yourself and demand action is incredible. And that's what I did. I sat him down and told him that he was wasting my time. By not committing to either working on the issues we were having or to NOT working on them, he was keeping me in a kind of relationship purgatory, and I was over it. So I gave him the option-you can choose to work on it or choose to NOT work on it. No hard feelings. I proposed it as a choice because by that point I wasn't angry, I just wanted to know. I needed an answer so that another few years of my life wouldn't be wasted with empty promises. He said he couldn't make a decision right then and asked for some time. I gave him four weeks (which was really quite generous, considering he had already given me the answer-but I was doing the best I could). So four weeks later I asked him again, and he said he still didn't know. (Clearly, he had put about as much thought into this as every other aspect of our relationship.) Well, that's an answer, right? Not caring enough to even think about it seems like an answer, doesn't it? If you wanted to be with me, it would cross your mind to think about it. If you wanted to be with me, you'd do whatever it took to make it work. If you wanted to be with me, you'd know. YOU'D KNOW. For years I thought "I don't know" and "I don't know if I can" were words that meant what they said. But from that moment on I knew..."I don't know" means NO! "I don't know" means I'm too cowardly to tell you the truth because I can't deal with confrontation. "I don't know" means please do the dirty work for me because I don't want to hurt your feelings even more than I already have. Sure I was sad. That moment sucked all the air out of my lungs and filled my head with white noise. But it was also the moment I knew that it was time to take care of me. We decided to split up, and in retrospect I think he had been hoping this moment would come for a long time. I think he had been trying to get me to break up with him forever by his actions-but my hope had blinded me. Now, I was incredibly lucky to be able to afford what I did next. I called my best friend in Los Angeles, told her what happened, and booked a ticket on the next flight there. I spent a week away from my life, from him, from the hard stuff. I drank, I smoked, I cried, I watched sad movies, I slept, I flirted with other boys, and I distracted myself. After a week, I returned to the reality and the heaviness that was in my heart. When any significant relationship collapses, the sadness and grief can be overwhelming. In the midst of all this heartache and pain, you have to comprehend and adjust to the idea that your whole universe has been upended, even when you know it's the right thing. Going through a breakup is awful. It's a full-body experience. Every nerve ending feels it constantly, and every second feels like an eternity in your head. So how'd I get through it? Well, the night he moved out, two of my best friends came over for dinner so that I wouldn't be alone. I hardly ate, but we downed a bottle of wine. Another friend of mine called to check in, and when I burst into tears, she hopped in a cab, came over, and spent the night so the bed wouldn't be so big and I wouldn't have to be alone. She made sure I got out of the house and went to work the next day, and she offered to stay with me until I didn't need her to. I allowed myself to lean on my friends immediately, and they rallied around me. Their strength and love made me strong enough to endure some seriously shitty times."
-Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt
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we cooked out to celebrate an early fourth of july, kind of as a f**k you to the good ol' english folks. but 2 out of 5 of us were english, so i guess maybe it doesnt count? anyways my english grandfather dennis came over and we hung out. he's funny. he told me cool stories about when he was in the army. about the time he spent a year in southern france defending them against nazi guerillas left over after ww2. then he told me about IRA bombings and the like and the different strategies they used. apparently a crowd of people would single out a soldier and surround him to separate him from his group, and since they weren't shooting at him, he couldn't shoot at them, and then all the men would start shooting him at the same time and give the guns to the women or children, whom the soldiers were not allowed to search. so when the soldiers searched the men, they had nothing on them and they couldn't arrest anybody and they all got away with it. or little kids would walk up to soldiers and talk to them and then start shooting them. sounds vaguely like iraq, aye? they don't want us there, so they come up with coniving little schemes to murder soldiers? we also discussed relgious practices such as sacrifices for the harvest (which apparently was going on in remote and backwards communities in the us until about the late 60s or 70s), female genital mutilation, and sutti (the burning alive of a wife of a man who is being cremated after his death, also going on in india until about 70 years ago-well legally). we also discussed how his great grandmother, my great great grandmother by marriage, used to go to tea with charles dickens. quaint. the guy who wrote willy wonka used to live in the village that my stepmom lived in once, well before her time though. my dad gave me and my sister money to go into cambridge this week while melanie and him are at work. i have to go on wednesday cus my sister is meeting up with some girls to go swimming, which means i have to a)go swimming with no friends of my own :-( or b)sit and watch my sister go swimming. i'm aiming for letter b, because it also means that i don't have to be completely uncomfortable walking around cambridge. thursday night we are going to see the new pirates of the caribbean, at the arts house theatre in cambridge. tonight i am being stalked and attacked by giant mosquitos and spiders. it is very disturbing really. they are HUGE. and i swear this one spider snuck up on me. every time i looked at it, it was standing still, but it got closer every time. and the mosquitos are dive bombing me. but it's ok, they each are missing a leg or two cus i got good swipes at them with the remote. i also watched a charles dickens movie tonight (i thought with the story from my step-grandad it would be appropriate). i watched nicholas nickleby. who for your information is played by a very hot young man, it also has anne hathaway in it. (from princess diaries?) she has a new movie out called "the devil wears prada" in which she stars with a very scrumptious leading man, the guy from drive me crazy and that tv show entorage or however you spell it. so that pretty much sums it up. off to bed!
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Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
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i'm waiting in my room in my dad's house in cheery old england. and i'm waiting to ride into cambridge. the stepmother and sister are going swimming and me and dad are gonna get coffee and "talk" although i refuse to talk until he takes me to the bar like he promised he would when we "talk". i have to semi drunk for a conversation like that.
anyways.
paris and barcelona were interesting and fun. there were a few bad parts but a couple really amazing things made up for it.
-i didn't run into johnny depp in paris
+i had a semi life-changing experience in paris
-we got pick pocketed in barcelona
+i went to the Louvre
-the eiffel tower was pretty lame
+montemartre or montmatre however you spell it, was awesome
-i'm broke
+i bought lots of cool stuff for the apartment
-i didn't get presents for anybody
+i sent postcards to some people
there's more and more but i am getting tired of listing it. the food was good in barcelona.if you're ever there definitely look into going to this cool tapas bar that i know of. it's not REALLY a tapas bar, because their tapas is more like individual meals then bar food, but it's pretty damn good. ironically, not so great in paris. probably just our choice of restaurants. but those people eat entirely too much bread and it makes me sick. i was dying for meat and vegetables at the end of the week. when we were still in spain we took the train to sitges to go to the beach for the day. i slept the whole time. cus i had a migraine and they wouldn't let me stay home. so i spent a couple days on the spanish coast getting tan for about 4 hours a day. shopping on la rambla in barcelona is good. especially if you have money for the louie vuitton, dior, gucci, and other assorted designer stores on the road. which we did not...so we made it over to bennington's and mango too. we also found a ten story department store. anyways, we didn't really do shopping in paris, cus they wanted to do so much sight seeing. oh yeah, we found this super cool jewelry store in barcelona that makes only one of a kind pieces and they are hand made by the ladies who work in the shop and hand painted in some cases and brilliantly beautiful. i'll show you some. :-) but even better it was all half off cus they were getting ready to close the store for their summer vacation. i have the address too. i think...
i got my hair cut in paris. of course i can't recreate what alex did to it. but i learned the french word for thinning. and i like my new cut and when i get home i need to dye it again cus it's been a couple months. and i want to play with it.
i want to do a chill movie night when i get home with a couple girls, maybe not right away, but soon after. so if you would like to be in attendance and have a 3 hour girls night with just people hanging out and forgetting the bullshit, then let me know!
my life priorities have changed since i've had about a month to think about things and i'm very happy to say it has improved my state of mind. the thing i need to work on now is not fighting with my sister and dad and finding a way to not care that my stepmom can yell literally in my face and i can't even say a word to her because my dad would probably kick me out if i do and i need to forget that she's more spoiled then either of us are due to a lifetime of living on her own and only worrying about what she wants. i also need to forget that she is a bitch most of the time. ooops?
anyways....WHATEVER. i probably won't feel the same later. but WHATEVER. had to get that little bit about my stepmom out.
k i'm gonna try to get the stepperson and the rest of the family to finally get up and move so that we can go cus i'm getting bored.
later
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right so about 5 minutes after i posted that, i decided i'm a bitch. sorry.
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i probably should be doing something productive, but today is a horrible day.
This woman, who's in her 30's that works here with me, well one of her friends died. and she's been working at the desk right next to the one i'm working at. and she's been talking on the phone and telling people and talking about funeral arrangements and the circumstances of his death. well of course this got me thinking. and it's hard to here things like that and maintain my normal approach to the situation. my normal approach is "don't think about it, it didn't happen. if you ignore it you won't hurt." which generally, i am sad to say, works. but lately i've been having random moments when i break down and i'm just like "she's gone. and i can't bring her back." i have no idea how to deal with something like this, how to force myself to absorb it all. i can't do it. but lately i've also wanted to talk about it with people, to tell someone else how it makes me feel. but EVERY SINGLE time i turn to a friend to talk to them about it, i get the same answer 'can we not talk about this? it makes me sad." or just plain "stop it. i can't hear this now." ok well that's great. fucking great. cus at the time when it was the last thing i wanted to hear, when it made my life living hell to hear, these same friends wanted to talk it all out of their systems. and i just got over myself to be there for my friends. to listen to them, to try and talk a little bit to make myself deal with the situation. i'm very happy to know that some of my friends are willing to do the same for me. willing to put my feelings ahead of theirs for a few minutes so i can deal with a tragedy in my life. thanks guys. oh no but let's pretend i didn't just say any of this cus it might make you sad...so oh my god, did you hear? so and so said such and such and bullshit bullshit. let's get drunk! sounds awesome...that guy is totally hot!
thanks. for real. to those people who have listened, who have been there. because we both know who you are. to those of you "can't" talk about it, rather then "won't", i just know next time that i should put as much effort into comforting you.
so i'm in a shitty mood and i'm gonig to europe in two days and i'm gonna see some places where she's been and hung out and even told me to go to. and it's gonna be so fucking hard. but just remember not to ask me about that, remember to ask me how good the drinks were and how hot the guys are. that's the important stuff, right?
fuck it, i'm done ranting and raving, i know it won't solve anything and i know nothing's gonna change, but it made me feel a little bit better to get it out.
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soooooooooo
yeah
i love you?
or i don't?
you love her?
or you don't?
everytime i think of you i cry. :-/
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In Loving Memory of
Kelli Marie Johnston
~4/29/06~
I'm just so tired
Won't you sing me to sleep
And fly through my dreams
So I can hitch a ride with you tonight
And get away from this place
Have a new name and face
I just ain't the same without you in my life
Late night drives, all alone in my car
I can't help but start
Singing lines from all our favorite songs
And melodies in the air
Singin' life just ain't fair
Sometimes I still just can't believe you're gone
And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven,
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
Down here
Feel your fire,
When its cold in my heart
And things sorta start
Remindin' me of my last night with you
I only need one more day
Just one more chance to say
I wish that I had gone up with you too
And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
Down here
You won't be comin' back
And I didn't get to say goodbye (goodbye)
I really wish I got to say goodbye
And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
I hope that all is well in heaven
Cuz it's all shot to hell down here
I hope that I find you in heaven
Cuz I'm so...
Lost without you down here
You won't be coming back
And I didn't get to say goodbye (goodbye)
I really wish I got to say gooooodbye
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Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
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i'm so confused.
and so happy/estatic/depressed.
this weekend was possibly the best three days of my life thus far. he made me feel so comfortable, like i could be myself, completely uncensored, and i've never been that way before. i couldn't stop smiling or being happy, i actually felt like i was a new person. i couldn't have had more fun with any of my other friends, as much as i love them, and all we did was mostly hang out the house and watch movies all day. or take an occasional hour long drive trying to find a BP.
but...i'm so fucking confused. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? who flipped what switch? it made me wanna cry when i dropped him off back at home because i sincerely feel like we will never have that feeling again. for once i'm actually willing to try, to try very hard to make something work and i feel like he has already given up. i'm very sad, because it was so great that i actually let my guard down and now i'm paying for it cus i'm confused, and if what i think is true, i'm hurt. how can you be so excited so happy and so willing to tell me how you feel and then it just stops? i really wish i knew why. i really wish i knew if i'm just making a huge deal out of nothing. i really wish i just knew.
i have two jobs now. one working in the warehouse at layline mon-fri during the day and then the other as bartender/waitress/hostess at east coast wings on nights and weekends. i'm already exhausted and i haven't even started at east coast yet. i start saturday and work a double for training. i have exams starting tomorrow. i'm not even stressed at this point, either i have it or i haven't. oh well.
UGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
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Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
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If it weren't for you, I wouldn't even know what this was...
Abbott: Alright, now whaddya want?
Costello: Now look, I'm the head of the sports department. I gotta know the baseball players' names.
Do you know the guys' names?
Abbott: Oh sure.
Costello: So you go ahead and tell me some of their names.
Abbott: Well, I'll introduce you to the boys. You know sometimes nowadays they give ballplayers peculiar names.
Costello: You mean funny names.
Abbott: Nicknames, pet names, like Dizzy Dean -
Costello: His brother Daffy -
Abbott: Daffy Dean -
Costello: And their cousin!
Abbott: Who's that?
Costello: Goofy!
Abbott: Goofy, huh? Now let's see. We have on the bags - we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Costello: That's what I wanna find out.
Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third -
Costello: You know the fellows' names?
Abbott: Certainly!
Costello: Well then who's on first?
Abbott: Yes!
Costello: I mean the fellow's name!
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The guy on first!
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The first baseman!
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The guy playing first!
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: Now whaddya askin' me for?
Abbott: I'm telling you Who is on first.
Costello: Well, I'm asking YOU who's on first!
Abbott: That's the man's name.
Costello: That's who's name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The first baseman.
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: Have you got a contract with the first baseman?
Abbott: Absolutely.
Costello: Who signs the contract
Abbott: Well, naturally
Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Abbott: Every dollar. Why not? The man's entitled to it.
Costello: Who is?
Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Who's wife?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Abbott: Oh, no - wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is on second base.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third - now we're not talkin' 'bout him.
Costello: Now, how did I get on third base?
Abbott: You mentioned his name!
Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Abbott: No - Who's playing first.
Costello: Never mind first - I wanna know what's the guy's name on third.
Abbott: No - What's on second.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third.
Costello: Aaah! Would you please stay on third base and don't go off it?
Abbott: What was it you wanted?
Costello: Now who's playin' third base?
Abbott: Now why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Costello: Why? Who am I putting over there?
Abbott: Yes. But we don't want him there.
Costello: What's the guy's name on third base?
Abbott: What belongs on second.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!
Costello: You got an outfield?
Abbott: Oh yes!
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you.
Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
Costello: Alright, then tell me who's playin' left field.
Abbott: Who is playing fir-
Costello: STAY OUTTA THE INFIELD! I wanna know what's the left fielder's name.
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: Because!
Abbott: Oh, he's center field.
Costello: Look, you gotta pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Now wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.
Costello: The pitcher's name.
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don't wanna tell me today?
Abbott: I'm tellin' you now.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's pitching?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Who is on fir-
Costello: I'll break your arm if you say Who's on first. I wanna know what's the pitcher's name.
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!
Costello: You got a catcher?
Abbott: Oh, absolutely.
Costello: The catcher's name.
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.
Abbott: Now you've got it.
Costello: All we've got is a couple of days on the team.
Abbott: Well, I can't help that.
Costello: Well, I'm a catcher too.
Abbott: I know that.
Costello: Now suppose that I'm catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and their heavy hitter gets up.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Tomorrow throws the ball. The batter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I wanna throw the guy
out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Costello: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!
Abbott: Well, that's all you have to do.
Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Now who's got it?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: If I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta catch it. Now who caught it?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: Who caught it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: NO, NO, NO! You throw the ball to first base and Who gets it?
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's right. There we go.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: You don't!
Costello: I throw it to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
Abbott: You're not saying it that way.
Costello: I said I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: You don't - you throw the ball to Who?
Costello: Naturally!
Abbott: Well, say that!
Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING! I throw the ball to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Ask me.
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: SAME AS YOU!! I throw the ball to first base and who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: Who has it?
Abbott: Naturally!
Costello: HE BETTER HAVE IT! I throw the ball to first base. Whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow - triple play.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Another guy gets up - it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Abbott: What was that?
Costello: I said I don't give a darn!
Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.
i stole this from amber, and ironically, as soon as i started reading it, "i'll be missing you" came on the radio. well I never stop missing you...but your memory encourages me to be a better person then i am, and to always see the potential in others. truly i am very sad today, but it serves as a good reminder to me to be more like you, to try to help, to make someone laugh and to get over my grudges and stupid immaturity when someone needs me to help them out.
i'll always wish you were still here, but now i'll go on, remember the good times, of which there were many, and try to live up to what you always told me i could be. i love you kassel.
In Loving Memory, Kassel Aaron Smit ~4-12-04~
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Saturday, April 8th, 2006
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Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new
Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you.
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dead_cardinal's journal
crushed.
chipper.
content.
touched.
confused.
nostalgic.